You're Not Listening

Black and white, sepia tones, a straight hair standing out from the mess. Make it so, make it so. All alone, but you’ve never looked away from the mirror. Look away, see me standing here. I’m always here, but your reflection is in front of me. Years of building up resistance, a wall of sound, guarding against the silence. My arms are open, waiting for you. Here I am. My love, my life, I’m here, just look up and see: pause the music, and hear me. You can break through if you try, but my words don’t make it. I’ve already gone as far as I can: why do you not see? All you need to do is reach out and find me, find everyone waiting to help you. I’ve left everything for you, left family, friends, and dreams, to give everything to find and keep you. I’m waiting! I’m here! Please! Just turn around, turn away from the mirror, and I will do the rest. Listen to my whispers, and one day, you will see. One day, you will look away, and fall once again into my arms.

Come Back: I'm Here

No apologies, no explanations. I've almost given up, but selflessness is slowly finding its way to me. I'm here now, so forget this past. Forget I was almost gone. I'm here now. I can help you, now that I have forgotten myself. I will come back to you, away from the false lights and self-centered screen. I'm here. I'm home, and I can't make promises, but I never want to leave again. Please, come back, to our little home under the tree. We left the black space and the chandelier together, and you eventually left after seeing the husk I had become. I'm full now, and ready for you. Come back. I will call you until you turn and see at least one of these bread crumbs through the forest. Come back. I'm here. 

Stay Alive

Meet this midnight world, a big city with small lights cowering from the acetone sky. Houses shut their eyes tight, wishing on a car, cars that turn and fall away behind you. A sky-scraper city turns into a high-rise factory, studded with stars. Little yellow lights make it seem friendlier, and fires burn high in the dark, making safety feel closer. White strips on the road peel away from the tires, lighting up to make a fairy trail to follow. Leave in circles, and find yourself in the same place that you started, but not afraid. The clocks bleed the hours away, quietly singing in the softest way. Brown and green, fading away without any resistance. The bleached moon tucks you away, lulling you into sleep that you deserve. Don’t be afraid, don’t be sharp or cruel or loud. Gentle, quiet, the day giving over to the dusk, softly and lovingly. This chlorine town will leave along with your sleep, in a world that is shallow, in a world that came clean. 

Cream and Gold

Fuzzy blue lights dance across the screen, and I want to dance, too, but instead I get up and walk away. I have more important things to do, things that might set me free. My mirror is my door and as reflection meets me, we shyly say hi before merging into a world that isn’t quite here, isn’t quite there. I want to dance under the sun, watch the desert sky explode into sunset. With the stars in your eyes and the wind in your hair, you are just like me. London fog under the streetlights is the best thing that ever happened to us, and when I see your smile, I smile too, for the first time in forever. We’ll live off of streetlight and reflections, and stolen moments whispering though your door. Play hide and seek, and I will hide in the twilight moments beyond your dreams, and seek you in the sunrise. Fences guide us like old forest trails that have been petrified like the trees, and we can find freedom here. It makes me feel safe, running away with you. We find things to do in our spare time, like breaking all barriers. I think I love you. You know things I thought only I knew, and you make me feel safe, loved, and cozy on rainy days. Numbers line up for us and dance, and here we go, diving into our dreams again. Blue shirts and white pants, barefoot dreams are food for us. Diving into the sea is a little too wet for my taste, but you draw me in and show me how to swim like I never have before. I do love you. I think I will tell you, and word bubbles in the ocean are far too appropriate. Then, the unthinkable happens. I hear the words, see your word bubble. “I love you, too.” We are free here, in the ocean. We found freedom, made it in the cream and rose colored moments that I love, and gilded them for all our lives. We love each other. 

Changes in Quiet

I’m curious. Fascinated, in fact. How does it work? What does this button do? Melt it all down and try to purify it, see what happens. Paint the sky with indigo, and a color I can’t describe, somewhere between a gentle pink and a lavender and plain brown. I’ve always wanted to see a new color, experience delighted confusion over something new, something I’ve never seen before. Wait for me on the side of the road, I’ll come down when I come around the mountain when I come. You think it’s a mistake, don’t you? But look closer and a song forms, unbidden, in your mind, a fun, joyful song. Is it really unbidden? It’s not, right? I called it there. You didn’t know I could do that, but I’m still getting used to change, to strange new things. Young dreams in old hearts, that’s what magic is made of. Old souls are rare, but young souls are incredible. Exploding with color, flavor, delight, laughter over something silly and odd. Peacock feathers in a green setting, lining the wall, carpeting the floor. Do you think I’m silly and odd? If not, please feel free to fill out a form enclosing your final frivolities. Old poems in new ears, a new song by an old voice. Yes, Shenandoah, life really is old here. If you think it’s plaid and boring and unattractive, I won’t be offended, but I’ll have to change my perspective of you. Glasses frame laugh lines, stretching out like an unsuspected diamond. Pretty and playful, fast and deep, some words clash without my meaning to. I didn’t give them permission, but they don’t need it, and they know that. Something new isn’t as exciting as I thought it would be. Oh, trust me, it is exciting, but it’s also solemn and quiet and gradually grows on your awareness, not so fast as to be alarming, but when you can finally focus on it, it’s not new at all, just not old. 

The Inspiring Story of an Amputee

I see a certain man, who has lost an arm and a leg, almost daily.
He is quiet, never asks for help or money, food, anything.
Almost daily, his small shelter is destroyed, and he is compelled to build a new one.
He never gives up, just keeps on going.
One day, I asked him how he does it: never give up, keep on moving, keep on building a new home.
All he did was stare at me, quietly, as always.
Here is his picture.

Happy Halloween!

Listen to my Heart for a Time

So hello everyone, y'all probably thought this was an abstract short because of the title but SUPRISE! It's not because I'm working on a new book and I remembered today, "Oh yeah, I have a blog that nobody is going to read because I never post anything anymore" so I really was thinking of you while reading Adam Young's blog and giggling all alone at home to myself. 

Moral of the story? I thought, since National Novel Writing Month was coming up, I'd list all the books I'm working on and tell you a little about all of them. Prepare to be disappointed, though, because several of them have already been abandoned. 

This is how my files look. Very organized, yes. 

So the first book on the list, entitled Blank, is an abandoned one. This one started out as the idea of this young girl who was selected by the government to become a force of the Secretest Secrety Service. (Many of my books will sound like this.) She went through a lot of upgrades and painful things to become this force, and she had a companion who helped her out with everything. Her name was Tagg and his name was Trevor. The idea was that they would eventually overthrow the government, but not fall in love. 

The next book, Centurion, I will have a special post for, since it is new and exciting and wonderful. 

Then, there is How Beautiful We Were. This is about a futuristic society in which everyone eventually turned into robots, since whenever something broke or got old on their bodies - a broken arm or failing eyesight - that part was replaced by a new, robotic part. This even happened to their brains: that is, when someone starts losing memories and getting old, their brain is replaced with a robot one, and they turn into what is called an Android. Well, the grandson of the man who invented the robotic brain, named Jex Gear, is determined to put a stop to it. This is about how he set about doing that.

Next on the list is I Am Nothing. Depressing, right? This is about a girl who is persecuted for being one of the rare magic users in the world. She has two personalities, one for each form of magic: a negative and a positive persona. I got this idea when I was hanging out with some awesome people who were of the Gothic persuasion. I came out one day wearing this brilliant yellow shirt, and the next day dressed like them, in blacks and dark colors. That’s where this one came from. And, unfortunately, it’s halfway abandoned.

Last of Five I’m not going to talk about. Suffice it to say that…. It all started with a name.

Ranco is about a Los Angeles boy who meets a shape-shifter living in the city. They strike up an unlikely friendship and become partners battling crime.

Skye is about freaky government experiments, again. An alien ambassador comes to Earth to ally itself with the American Government, and does so by unlocking elemental powers in certain younger people. And it’s abandoned.

Slash is the biggest book so far in this list. It’s inspired, partially, by the movie “Wreck-It Ralph,” and the songs “Shut Up and Drive,” from that same movie. It’s about underground street racers, explosions, heartbreak, sorrow, loss, revenge, speed, and good looking people. This is a book that I love opening up randomly and adding a few lines to every now and again.

Sylvain Life is a book about an explorer named Ambrose Fontain who believes in elves. He sets out to find one, and does. It doesn’t really have much of a plot, so it’s pretty much abandoned by now.

The Chronicles of Viveria was my first attempt at writing the Last of Five. It didn’t work out, but I never deleted it, for some reason.

The Outfitter was an interesting attempt at a new writing style. It is about a girl named Skeyna and her mother, Morgan. They owned a shop that prepared supplies for adventurers that was pretty successful because the owner, Morgan, had the ability to read her customer’s futures and tell from that what they would need on their adventures. Abandoned due to lack of plot.

The Right Side of the Fence is my attempt at an autobiography about life. Abandoned due to lack of plot. Just kidding! I just never really felt like anything was that important that I needed to write it down.

The Writer’s Passage is about a girl who lives in the time of knights and kings, and who attempts to be accepted into the highly secretive but widely acclaimed Writer’s Guild. (It’s actually where you learn how to write magic. Cool, right?) Once again, abandoned due to writer’s failure.

Werewolf Nightmares was my first and last attempt to write down my frenetic and insane dreams. Abandoned because of sheer psychotic insanity.

So, there you have it! A list of the half-finished books that I have locked away on my computer. TaDa!

Please forgive me for rambling in your ears (eyes?) and spurting nonsense at delicious times of the day.